obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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