Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
