he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
