So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Even my vagina gasped.
We talked him into tasing himself.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize