He had one of those small greek statue penises
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
