I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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