I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
