Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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