He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
