I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
