If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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