eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
