I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize