I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
