shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
