So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
