According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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