Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
