what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
