so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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