Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
