Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
