Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
