She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
