The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
