I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
