my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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