the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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