All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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