I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
