God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
