Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
