JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
