I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
