it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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