We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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