She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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