This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize