he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
