they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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