im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize