My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
