Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
