My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
