gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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