I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i drank out of a bidet.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
