put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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