maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
