Say something about gay babies.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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