ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
