Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize