I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
