It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
