Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
