he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
