Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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