he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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