So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
