Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
