i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
