Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
