My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
