So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
