I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I smell like Dick and happiness
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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