I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
