And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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