i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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