I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
