I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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