so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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