If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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