i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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