I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
These tits shall not be calmed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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