Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
