my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
