I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
