i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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