Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
