If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
