There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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