Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
