I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just googled if crying burns calories
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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