i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
