I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
