Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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