We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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