A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
