let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
