I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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