Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
