Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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