Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize