do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
